Friday, January 30, 2009

Last Dance with Mary Jane :(

WTF!!!!! So in One Act they decided to cut out the word marijuana from the script. Its not even offensive or vulgar. I can understand cutting out the naughty words and stuff, I am not expecting them to let me say "rat's ass", or "adultery" but whatever! All these conservative crazies and just go fly a kite...or something! Oh how I will miss you sweet dirty words with your raw emotions and shocked expressions you give. *sigh*

Any who...for those of you who don't know, I got in a fight with my boss last week. She insulted my intelligence and I asked to discuss it with her and she got crunck! Stupid bitch! She started yelling at me for something totally unrelated and I sat there patiently listening to her....and then I yelled right back at that stupid whore! She told me I needed to grow up and I was like oh yeah? (insert feminine head bob here) "Your 54 you grow up." Then I went inside and screamed, IRANIAN C*@!" so loud that my other boss, the one I love, heard me and came to console me. Saying all of that, I had to have a meeting with them yesterday about the situation and although we pretty much agreed to disagree and settled the situation, I am still there! This ordeal just brought my other boss Miss. J, and I closer together. Any ways here are a few "Final Thoughts".
Free love,
Free speech,
Never trust a Girl Scout

Never believe your dreams when you mind is magically linked to a dark wizard.

The End-Colt

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


That's right, I am the Mighty Lord of Awesome, sent here to conquer all of you mwuahahaha!!!! But in all seriousness what if I was all mighty and awesome with awesomeness and magical powers, I would totally take over the world. But only in the name of all that is good, right, and to my liking! This is probably why I don't have any powers...I would abuse the hell out of them! Like when I was little I totally wanted to be a Power Ranger (this is why I was enrolled in karate). If I were a Power Ranger now...I would take over the world with my awesome color coded powers and huge ass dino-robot megazords!!!! Hells yeah! If Bin Ladin, Bush, stupid people, JP, SK, or any other intial tried to get crunk with me I would just be like "Oh yeah? ITS MORPHIN' TIME!!!!!" and I would beat their face in with my newly acquired kung fu awesomeness!!!


Monday, January 26, 2009

Cookies Vs. Popcorn a battle of epic porportions!!!!

At this moment in time, I am suppose to be studying Calculus, but who needs Calculus. Honestly, who the hell uses Calculus! When will it ever be appropriate for me to know the extrema, limit or...other random Cal term...of a graph! So, instead I have decided to write another post.
When I was a wee little Colt, I was a Cub Scout. A cub scout is in the lower echelons of Boy Scout-dom, a feeding pool that leads right into the belly of Boy Scouting. As with any Scout, I had to sell popcorn for various, mysterious reason unbeknown to my tiny 4th grade self. The Scouts could have been raising money for global domination, terrorist activity, stock in Microsoft, a pony! I didn't care because the more popcorn I sold, the more useless/cool prizes I got! You know the crap you can buy at Dollar General with the only difference being a Cub Scout logo slapped on it. Those were the good ol' days when I could be easily satisfied with a portably FM radio *sigh* , now my demands are much more costly. Any who...back to the point, as a Boy Scout in training, I felt that my mortal enemy was of course the Girl Scouts. This notion was made ever more prevailant during popcorn season when the Girl's cookie selling came into full swing. Every time I tried to pettle my carmal crunch goodies, I would always be shot down by "No thanks, I already bought Girl Scout cookies." WTF!!! You can't have cookies and popcorn! My guess was that that the two snack foods were at war with each other and the Girl and Boy scouts were but pawns in thier hands. I was totally cool with being a pawn for popcorn if it meant I got cool/dumb prizes. So in my head I pictured this epic battle were giant cookies collided with gargantuan tins of popcorn. Lightening and thunder rang through out the sky and fallen thin mints and popcorn littered the ground. It actually looked something like this.....

POPCORN FOREVA!!!!....although thin mints are delicious.-Colt

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Villians...evil yet oh so charismatic!

I started and finished The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor yesterday. It was ridiculously good! So brief synopsis before I get into one of my favorite parts. The Looking Glass Wars is the story of Alyss Heart who is the princess of Wonderland. Her family is attacked and killed on her seventh birthday by her evil aunt Redd, forcing her to flee with her bodyguard Hatter Madigan into the Pool of Tears, transporting her to our world were she tells her story to a Reverend. The Reverend gets her story all wrong pissing Alyss off royally. Any who, one of my favorite parts is when your seeing everything unfold from Redd's point of view. Even though she is evil, she is friggin' hilarious!

So what if she'd been a "bad girl"? So what if she'd experimented with artificial crystal and imagination stimulants? So what if she'd never cared for justice, love, duty to the people, blah blah blah? She was her own person. Why couldn't her parents respected that and left her alone...


Off with their heads! Off with their stinking, boring heads!


She once came upon a Six Card, a lieutenant, yelling at at some idiot Two who was cradling a cute, fuzzy guinea pig. "I tell you think black thoughts and you come up with that!?" the lieutenant had screamed. "Is a guinea pig bad? Do you consider a guinea pig the representation of all that's evil?"
" it's an evil guinea pig?" The lieutenant and Two Card eyed the animal, which sat in the soldier's folded arm, twitching its nose, oblivious.
"That is not an evil guinea pig!" the lieutenant had shouted. Even though she needed every able body she could get, Redd ordered the lieutenant to kill the soldier.

Okay so that was, sad....and long, but evil guinea pig! Come on I had to post that! Any ways, reading is fun, it gives you knowledge and knowledge is power!-Colt

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Truth....the "REAL" truth, like the fattening stuff.

Okay so I had a random thought the other day, I wrote it down but I thought I would share it with the you, my loyal subjects/slaves (in my head I totally own you all in the Kingdom of AWESOME!). Any who, this thought was inspired my Yes Man!, (and an episode of Charmed) what if everyone was forced to tell the truth every time a question was asked. The first and honest answer just came flying out of their mouth. This, I think, would cause many problems....for example.

Mr.Terrell- How are you today Colt?

Me- *$&! - off old man!

Mr. Terrell- What did you just say?

Me- Damn it!!!


Mr. Davis- Melany whats the answer to question 46?

Melany- *$&! double block math!

Class- GASP!!!!

See what I mean, this would land many of us in quite a jam. But it would also be a great time to diabolically mess with people!...for example.

Me- SK why are you such a bitch?

SK- Because I am completely insecure, and like to make other peoples lives miserable! (gasp!)

Me- Thank you, that explains a lot!

But for reals, wouldn't that be fun!-Colt

Sunday, January 18, 2009

My "Hump Train" got derailed!!!

So Winter Formal this year was a complete bust. My usual bump and grind was slammed to a complete halt. I felt like I was in fricking Footloose, but instead of going wild in crazy with my fellow choreographed peers, I was stuck in a dance of old people! It was almost like they were afraid to dance for fear that God in all of His smiting glory would come down and damn them to an afterlife of hellfire and brimstone. Where in the Bible does it say, "Thou Shall Not Dance, For The Devil is in the Foot-work!" The thing that annoyed me the most though, was the staring. Usually I dont mind showing off, it's fun for me. But if only one guy and one girl are dancing and everyone else is staring, things get a little awkward. You start worrying about weither or not you look good while dancing or if they are secretly laughing at you, insecurities tend to bring down my party mood. The DJ wasn't helpful either, he hadn't heard of half of the things I requested and when asked to refrain from constantly playing stupid ass country music; he told me he had to appease everyone. WTF!!! Appease everyone, how is playing 20 country songs and 4 dance/hip hop/rock songs "appeasing" everyone!
On a lighter note, Maggie got to come to Abilene with us! Abilene is where the fun actually began. We sadly didn't fulfill the tradition of eating at IHOP seeing as it was completly full of un-formal douche bags, but we ate at Denny's instead. The food was actually better, and we laughed an obscene amount. Espeacially Jacob, for 10 minutes he had to keep his head down in order to abstain from laughing. He really couldn't look at me for more than a second or he would bust out in laughter. He got revenge though as we were leaving, I had just ordered and drink and was in a hurry to finish it when he said " Wow, you sure can suck." I lost it and my drink was spit out on to the table. Any way Winter Formal = Lame, Denny's = AWESOME!!! End of story.-Colt

Saturday, January 17, 2009


So while watching the JV girls play yesterday, I had a tiny revelation. This epiphany of sorts came courtesy of the mighty Germanic warrior goddess...Melany. Yes, Melany the Meek, is actually a Viking Goddess of Battle, she just doesn't know it yet. But I guess their is something about basketball or any sport for that matter that brings the inner nut-crushing, head ripping, warrior she-bitch out of every woman. The whole game I kept picturing the girls disemboweling instead of dribbling, decapitating instead of dunking. It was actually quite scary. Their was one girl in particular on the opposite team that kept fouling herself on purpose by throwing her body into our players. Lying little bitch! Any way, the little Mexican firecracker, know as Lindsey, decided that if the little slut wanted to get fouled then she would be more than happy to hit the bitch. So Lindsey slid and kicked the lying whore. I was very proud. Husmann was just as aggressive as ever which I am not surprised by. One of these days I am expecting her to go ballistic on the court and massacre some hussy with swift, Husmann style justice. Their is a reason her element was Fire people. Her stare can burn you with the fury of a thousand suns.-Colt

So basically these two...

Transform into these two...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Act 1- Why some people suck; an introduction in bitch major.

Since high school life as I know it is slowly coming to an end, I have deemed it necessary for me to make my complaints, trials and tribulations about my life public. Not that my life is so terribly difficult, but people in it really can become quite an annoyance. For example, certain boy who I have very little Patience for, JP. Granted I only have him in one class, but in that short time he does a very efficient job of annoying the crap out of me. He is like that fly in your car that you roll all your windows down for hoping they will get the hint that you have had your fill of pointless buzzing, that maybe they will fly away to never enter the vehicle of your life again. But when you finally roll your windows up thinking the pest has gonna, its not. Its back with vengeance with more buzzing than before. One of these days I am gonna take a fly swatter to his head and beat him until he has stopped moving...or they call the cops, whatever comes first. And if JP wasn't annoying enough, couple that with the sounds of AP Calculus, has taught by the amazingly anesthetic of Mr. Davis, and you have my first class of the day ( aka Doodle Time). I really just don't understand Mr.D's teaching style, how the hell am I suppose to understand what the hell is going on if all you do is read from the fricking book! If I wanted Calculus the Audio Book, I'd have bought the damn thing. On another note I am now very, very late for newspaper so I am gonna have to complain about stupid people later, or maybe the next post will be about kittens and rainbows because I terminated JP with my Schwarzenegger-sized fly swatter...maybe.-Colt