Confessions of a Deviant

OMG

2011-04-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

OMG THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER COMES OUT TODAY!!!! I AM SO EXCITED IM WRITING IN ALL CAPS!!!!

off with your head, dance 'til you're dead...

2011-02-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, day 3 of blogging, its like I'm on a roll or something. So there is this thorn in my side. Her name is...well lets not get into that, we'll just call her Suck. Any who, Suck has been terrorizing me for....well since the begining of this year. Suck is weak, a weak individual who has made it her mission in life to ruin all my fun. You see, here at BU I have a posse. A gang of of sorts. Suck has found that my little group of amigos is some how threating her well being and she must do everything in her power to make all of our fun fly out the window. You see there is no happiness around Suck, only rot and decay. Now, I am not saying our loathsome friend, Suck, is a bitch, no quite the opposite, if she were a bitch I would probably like her more for it; but instead she is unbearably submissive, autophobic nuissance that wont seem to go away. So, as Queen Bitch I say....

OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!!!!

Alright, now that that is out of the way. What else can I talk about? I mean you're already here, why not ramble a bit. I feel the need to dress up a bit today. To take a risk and be a little strange, but I have yet to decide how. Brooch perhaps, vest or scarf; the possiblities for fashion oddities and absolute fabulousness is a little frightening. The need to be eccentric is sometimes overwhelming.

-Colt

you are a peeping tom

2011-02-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

What is it about a blog that appeals to me? Is it the ability to convey thoughts and emotions through the written word; my sadistic need to force my sometimes irrelevant ramblings down you, the readers throats? No, I think its voyeurism. Yes, voyeurism.

Kinda like this...

You as a reader of my blog are a Peeping Tom. Peering through my keyhole, watching me behind the curtain, climbin in my window, snatchin my people up. My life or my thoughts are like a drug for you insane people. Now, thats not to say I don't appreciate the you reading my psychotic dribble, I get off on it as much as you do. This blog is my drug of choice, I'm Whitney Houston and you bitches are my crack.

Crazy fer yo drugz

On a side note, why can't this happen to me?

You see Kurt, looking all upset and hurt that Blaine is singing to some shaggy headed looking hippy. That always happens to me. Everyone wants to sing to the shaggy haired hippy. Why is he so great? What did he do, other than have hair that is shaggy?

Any who, hope you enjoyed yourself.

-Colt

oh, hay der blog

2011-02-07T16:36:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot I had this....any who for the last two weeks my life has been completely devoted to Skin of Our Teeth...and by completely devoted I mean its made me its bitch. I run projections, which means pushing a button, but everything that made my job not soul devouring has been taken away from me, so I'm forced to watch the play every single night! It's like that time where all Marshall and Ted where in the Fiero and all they could listen to was I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

Yeah, it's exactly like that.

On a side note, as anyone seen Rihanna's new video? That bitch as lost her damn mind, runnin around talkin about how "sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me" excuse me Miss Rihanna but that makes you a sex freak.

Anyways...what was I saying? Oh yeah Skin of Our Teeth. I think I am done with that topic. lets discuss the Ugg boot, t-shirt and tight combination that I have been seeing around campus. First of all the Ugg boot went out with the OC...remember that show, a bunch of attractive people doing ridiculous things that evidently only happen to good looking "kids" in California.

Any who, Rachel Bilson wore them with Daisy Dukes in an episode and now everyone and their frickin mom thinks its okay to traipse around lookin like a fool.

Bitch looks dumb.

Thats all I've got for now,buh bye.

- Colt

Last Vlog of the Semester...probably :/

2010-05-08T00:36:00.000-07:00

i get emotional :/

VLOGGIN IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

2010-05-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

Kitchen Vlog...thats all i had to say...oh and these are my friends :)

Vloggin with Samantha in the Design Lab

2010-05-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

Samantha doesnt wanna vlog...

The Stranger...my first video project :D

2010-02-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

Vloggin with Layne

2010-02-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

Epic Prank Fail

2010-01-18T20:01:00.000-08:00

Vloggin...Wuz Up!

2009-09-30T01:50:00.000-07:00

This is a vlog in Sam's room...yep

Vlog...again

2009-09-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

This one is on Supernatural...enjoy.

VLOG!!!!!!!!!!!...that is all

2009-09-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

Sadness :(

2009-09-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

So I happen to be glancing at blogs, mainly because I was instructed my Melany to do so....anywho I was glancing at Maggies blog and guess what...I am not on her recommended blog list...no where in site...this maybe because I haven't blogged awhile but whatev. I think this is going to be a vlog from now on because quite frankly i don't have the time to sit down an jot my ideas and things on this magnificent machine that is m MacBook Pro. Anyways I am about to head to the devil class i call Christian Scriptures. The professor...yes I have a professor, I feel like I am in Harry Potter!!!...Doctor Holleyman is a lanky scarecrow of a man who sounds like a Southern Baptist preacher ( Im at Baylor what did I expect :/) SCARES THE HELL OUTTA ME!!!!! I keep thinking he is going to tell me to go out back and cut a swtich! Any who, I am watching Law & Order SVU and I am gonna leave you with my favorite quote, "Do you know any reason why someone would sodomize your husband with a banana?" - Detective Olivia Benson aka Mariska Hargitay.

A be'Hom Daq jatlh tlhIngan tlhej!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

That top line is in Klingon....and it says "a girl to speak Klingon with". You know why?

BECAUSE MAGGIE SHIRLEY IS A TREKKIE!!!!!!

Thats right everyone I am not alone! Finally someone I can say, "nuqneH chay' 'oH pemHov rur Daq maj tuq " to! That means how is the sun like at home.....sort of like hows the weather at home in Klingon.
Any who! Iam supper excited for the new Star Trek movie....its gonna me so cool!

SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any who.....LOOK A KLINGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOH!!!!! A LADY KLINGON!!!! SHE WHOOP YO ASS FO REALS!!!! LIKE BEYONCE IN OBSSESSED SHE WHOOP THE SHIT OUTTA ALI LARTERBEYONCE LOOK PISSED!!!!!!!!!!
MISS ALI LARTER YOU A DUMB HO!!! YOU BESS GIT OUT THAT BED FOR BEYONCE COME AND GETCHA!!!!!!!!!OH YOU DONE IT NOW ALI LARTER BEYONCE GONNA KILL YO ASS AND HIDE THE BODY IN HER NEXT MUSIC VIDEO...OR HER ASS!!!! YA NEVA KNOW!

Any who, as the Klingons say, "qaStaHvIS wa' ram loS SaD Hugh SIjlaH qetbogh loD" or "As a single night continues to happen, a man who is running can slit four thousand throats". or "Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man."
Gotta love those Klingons!!!!!!

MAGGIE!!!!

2009-05-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

MAGGIE IS COMING TO MELANY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLAH BLAH BLAH BOOP!!!!!

2009-05-04T14:04:00.001-07:00

I would write this epic blog about graduation and responsibility and growing up and college and kitties and adulthood and cookies and no procrastinating and Christmas....but I am all out of Adderall and i have the attention span of a five year old on speed, soda and sugar cookies.
I am super duper excited about X-Men, I get all nerdy and bothered just by the damn trailer! THERE ARE SO MANY NEW CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!

SILVERFOX!, CYCLOPS!, SABERTOOTH!, WOLVERINE!, DEADPOOL!, GAMBIT!, EMMA FROST!!!
ITS TOO MUCH!!!!!!

EMMA FROST!!!! EMMA FREAKIN' FROST!!!!!

Okay....I am better......

EMMA FROST!

Okay that's it I promise.

Anyways I am super excited for this movie...If I was a mutant my power would be to still other peoples powers....yeah I would steal/copy everyones power without them knowing and only use them for good. Oh who I am I kinding, WORLD DOMINATION BIZNATCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAMBIT!!!!!!!!

Hey I said no more Emma....

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-27T08:36:00.001-07:00

THIS GUY IS DEAD!!!! HOO-RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO MORE THIRD WINCHESTER!!!!!!!!!!!SUPERNATURAL WILL NOT BE CANCELED FOR A STUPID PLOT LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.....I am excited.....

When life gives me lemons...I throw them at people and demand a Gold Star Award!!!

2009-04-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Okay so I know this is kinds old but I started it and forgot about it, and I have been really frickin' busy so if your gonna leave a comment about how this was over a week ago and I need to keep my damn blog relevant to current happenings and so on!....(gasp for breath)....then you can just suck it. Now back to your regular blog viewing.

So ILPC has come to a close. This for me means newspaper is slowly but surely coming to an end.

There will be no more stories.

No more procrastinating while I talk to Mary, Melany, Maggie or any random member of the Yearbook staff.

No longer will I get to hear and speak the hot gossip that will never make it into the paper (but is really fun to talk about any ways).

No longer will I be able to fight and argue with Mr. Lucas, getting my way through much careful negotiation (mainly I resort to holding my breath until I get what I want, oh he says he doesn't care if I die but he eventual remembers that a dead student will get him fired). *SIGH* I am gonna miss that.

Any ways, on to more chipper topics, WE TOTALLY FRICKIN WON A GOLD STAR!!!! One of like only 5 school ranging from 1A to 5A are picked and we kicked a whole lotta ass to get that award and I am damn proud!
The star award makes all other awards pale in comparison, so I am not to upset that the St. Marks School for Young Homosexuals (really its boys but they made me angry...plus they did a sex and condom story...I mean really your and all BOYS school, who are you gonna bang! Unless thier happens to be a St. Mary Margart James Francis School for Loose Hussies near by, or a whore house, I don't see how they could possibly get laid!...but I digress back to the story) and Westlake Academy of....well I have nothing so I am going with a classic...Westlake Academy of Dick Holes (yeah that works) beat us out of like every Tops in Texas award!

On a happier note, we ate at P.F. Changs which was frickin amazing! It makes all other chinese food pale in comparison! And after that religous experience we had a crazy wild dance party in Melany and Husmann's room with Maggie and Emily for a brief awkward moment and I think Half-Breed aka Ronnie got thrown in there some where, idk? Anywayzzz we pasted out shortly after that and went back to the UT campus to find out we won the Gold Star...which was AWESOME!...and we headed home.
The ride home was pretty boring except for the crazy picture orgy at the end...that was some good picture orgy!

Tyra Banks = Crazy Bitch/Oprah....no like for reals

2009-04-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

Okay so for those of you who don't know I am a bit of an insomniac. I tend to stay up at all hours of the night for no apparent reason, their is usually nothing good on that I am staying up for so I am forced to watch unimportant dribble like the Tyra Banks Show. Now I realize that Tyra was never truly sane, she would go from model robot to girl from the ghetto in just on sentence on Americas Next Top Model, back then it was fine and maybe even a little cute because on ANTM we only saw her for like a 10 minutes tops but on her talk show, thier is enough crazy in that hour to fill a can of Planters!(thats a brand of nut, Melany) Any who she carries on and on about pointless bull shit about her own life, when all people want to hear is what the guest problem is, she seems to be using the show as a vechile to talk about herself. Like if they did an episode on weight, Tyra would put on a fat suit and be like "its hard being fat!" Well no duh genius!

"Being fat is hard, no one loves me now!"
or
"LOOK AT ME!!!! LOOK AT ME !!!!LOOK AT ME!!!"

Tyra might also do a swimsuit story on how girls look different in swimmsuits and yada yada yada, blah blah blah. She would then be like look how big my ass is in this cut out!

"Look at my ass girrrl!"

Anywho, I digress, even though Tyra is a whack job, people still buy into it! Which is fine because if they buy into it, then this crazy model is actually helping some people. So you go Tyra Banks, you and your crazy model ass could wind up being the next Oprah. I mean if Bush can become president, the Terminator become the Govenor of California and the guy from Harlod and Kumar become the liason to Barack Obama and the island people, then anything is possible. Reach for the stars Tyra, REACH FOR THE STAR!!!!!!!!!!

New Moon...Revisted...not that any onw would want to but oh well...

2009-04-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

Okay so I gonna do all of the Twilight series in my neat little summaries. Her goes New Moon aka Bad Moon aka Sucky McSuck Moon!

New Moon

HAPPINESS!!!
Bella: Oh Edward, how I love thee!
Edward: Ditto!

SADNESS
Edward:I gotta go
Bella:NO DONT LEAVE ME!!!
Bella: WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLAH BLAH BLAH
BORING BORING BORING PART OF THE BOOK!!!!!oh look....Jacobs a werewolf...la tee dah

BORED BORED BORED!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: ALICE!!!!
Alice: Bella! We have to rescue Edward he is gonna kill himself because he thinks your dead because I had a vision of you jumping off of a cliff in one of the boring parts of this book!!!!
Bella: Oh, okay...
Super Secret Vampire Castle Town!!!!
Aro: Hi I am a douche who wants everyones powers for myself....because I am a giant pompous douche bag of epic proportions!Bella: BITE ME! Turn me into a vampire right now!
Edward: No my love we still have 2 more books and a possible re-write of the first that are creator the mighty Goddess Stephanie Meyer refuses to publish for reason we will never understand.
Bella: God works in mysterious ways!

BATIBWFLIA!!!!!!!!!! and Mr. Monk Monk

2009-04-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while and I had originally planned to BEDA. Ya know Blog Every Day in April...that didn't pan out so well...its the 9th and this is my first blog. So I have decided screw BEDA, Iam gonna BATIBWFLIA aka, Blog Any Time I Bloody Well Feel Like It in April. Thats right, I am gonna blog when I want to, where I want to and anytime I want to!

So I have realized this isnt much different that ya know...just blogging....DAMN IT!!!!

Plan B

LOOK A MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any who enough of my Hypnotic Distraction monkey Mr. Monk Monk, lets get back to the matter at hand. I did an awesome Senior prank and guess what TOMMY TERRELL RUINED IT!!!! It looked like this.....

Twilight, A Summary.

2009-02-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

Holy hell I haven't posted in a while. But any ways I was kinda inspired my Maureen Johnson and her renditions of famous love tales, so I thought I would do something similar to Twilight.

Hi! I am Bella, I am uber responsible. I used to take care of my wild mother but decided to move to Forks to live with my dad so my mom can get some action with her hot new baseball player husband.

I really hate Forks.....I really do

HOLY HOTTIE!!!!!! EDWARD CULLEN

AAHAHAH!!!!! VAN!!!....oh never mind....EDWARD!!!!

Bella: How did you do that?
Edward: I didn't do any thing!

Bella: Yes you did tell me your secrets!!!
Edward: NEVER!!!

Bella: What are the Cullens?

Jacob: Vampires, and I am a werewolf...but oh wait you don't know that yet.

Bella: He's kinda cute, if only he were older...or at least looked older.

Bella: You saved me....again!
Edward: I can read peoples mind, that's how I found you.
Bella: Umm...awkward!
Edward: Don't worry I can't read yours, I don't know why.
Bella: Oh that's, good.(score! back to picturing you with out a shirt!)

Edward: What do you think I am?
Bella: Vampire.
Edward: Wow, your good!

Edward: Meet my family, my big animal eating vampire family!

Bella: Whoa! Can they do stuff like read minds too?

Edward: Yeah, Alice can see the future, Jasper can influence and read emotions, Emmet is really strong, Carlise and Esme are super nice and Rosalie is a super bitch.

Alice: Theirs a storm a brewin!

Cullens: Lets play baseball!

Bella: WTF!

Alice: Nomads!

Nomads: HUMAN!!!
Bella:...shit!

James(Nomad): I have your mom, come to me alone...and don't tell any one, I will know if you tell any one!

Bella: Okay

James: I can't believe she bought that!

Bella: AH! evil vampire!!!!

James: Your really dumb!

Edward: Leave my dumb girl alone!

Bella: I am not dumb!

Edward: You came alone to meet an evil vampire.

James: Yeah, even I wouldn't do that.

CULLENS TO THE RESCUE!!!!!

Bella: What happened?

Edward: We saved you and told everyone you fell down the stairs.

Bella: No ones gonna believe that!

Edward: Really?

Bella: Well...okay, so maybe they will.

Bella: I hate dances!

Edward: Shut up! I like to dress sharp!

Bella:What?

Edward: You look really hot!

Bella: That's better, lets be together forever!

Edward: Okay, but lets wait until the 4th book, we gotta milk this story!

TAG, YOUR IT!!!....and dont give me that "I am not playing any more" BS either. Your playing!

2009-02-07T23:42:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to respond to Maggie's "Tag" blog because I thought it would be cool, if everyone knew 25 stupid facts about me. Any who.....

1.I hate celery! It is a stupid, stupid vegetable that never should have been grown. Why would God curse us with such and awful thing! If I had my way...which I will soon when I take over the world...I will order the termination of every celery stalk! But for now, I deal with hunting them down by myself...well with Sally of course.

DEATH TO CELERY!!!!!

2.My best friend in the whole world is Jacob. We actually met through a fight....which I started oddly enough. Any ways we have been best friends for like 7 years which is surprising because we are like complete and total opposites sometimes. Also, we are kinda telepathic, we will totally say what the other person was thing and be like "HOLY SHIT!!!, I was just thinking that!"

I have "dance fever", Jac had...well...a fever.

3.KaCee was actually friends with me before dating Jacob and although we never had direct contact for extended periods of time, technically I have known KaCee longer. In fact, our parents were friends and during my Mom's 40th birthday party we hung out together and watched "Josie and the Pussycats".

KaCee says Hey! Whats goin' on!

4.Whenever someone finds a magic lamp, I wonder "why don't you just wish to have all of the genie's powers without the restrictions of a master or lamp." Then I realize...their are no such things as magic lamps or genies, and then I frown.

Genies!!!!...PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS!!! Itty-bitty living space!

5. I have been to Europe....its really kick ass!!!

Look a guard...with a funny hat! Don't make him laugh though...they're trained to kill!!!!

6. I have a love hate relationship with spiders. I think they're cool, but if I get near one, I tend to freak out like a little girl....yeah. Same thing with cockroaches too, except I just hate them...and want them to die.

AAAAHHHH!!!....I won't even post a cockroach, way to gross!

7. I never understand why people come back to Albany...or any small town for that matter. I mean i guess it's on thing if you wanna raise a family or whatever, but if your single why not pick a random place and move like Hawaii or Italy! I am just gonna pack my stuff, throw a dart at a world map and just go.(need to learn to throw darts first though)

I am gonna runs off!!!...with my bunny...Lord Mac Fluffy Flanagan III!

8. I hate reality TV!!! They all need to go away...this looks like a job for Sally!

DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!!!!

9. Music kicks ass! I really like being introduced to new bands and genres of music....unless its some lame scream-o band...or country.

These two are so not okay!

10. I really like Kanye West, but only for his style and music...as a person he kinda sucks balls! (he actually said if they wrote a Bible today he would be in it...WTF!!! what the hell has he done besides sing!)

SING KANYE, SING FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

11. I have ADD and take adderall to.....LOOK A SHINY NICKEL!!!!!!!!!!!

NICKEL!!!!!!

12. I love old people who cus! It's so adorable when an old lady is all like "SON OF A BITCH!!!" So precious!

Adorable!!!

13. I drive an '06 Dodge Charger....my car loves me and I love it back!!!!!

CAR-MANCE!!!

14. I am a hardcore nerd!!! I read comic books, play video games, watch dorky movies,read graphic novels and I even have a collection of Star Trek action figures...the next generation one not that lame ass William Shatner, Picard for life yo!

NERD FO LIFE G!!!!

15.I really, really like to read!

BOOKS GIVE YOU KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!

16. Because of 15, I have accumulated a vast collection of random knowledge and facts...most of it about comic book or mythology....this adds to number 14....I am a hopeless nerd.

THE BOOKS DID GIVE ME KNOWLEDGE!!!!

17.I love to swim, but if I am in the ocean, I am not afraid of sharks....I am afraid of gaint octopuses and squids....freakin' scary man!

AAAHHH!!!!!!!!

18.I have watched a lot of movies...a lot of them independent, but their are a large chunk of them that are main stream....I even like chick *COUGH!!!!* flicks *COUGH!!!!, COUGH!!!!*

GO AWAY!!!!!

19.I have a lightening bolt scar on my forehead that I got from a magical fight with the potty when I was a wee little Colt.

Stupid Potty, I nearly had him beat to!!!

20. I wish super powers were real and if they were I would want the power to copy peoples powers....because Imsa greedy bitch!

MWUAHAHAHA!!!!

21. I played football for three years...in junior high it was fun but by the time I got to high school, I was done.

I was done!

22. I frequently get into fights with authority figures....especially teachers...we just don't get along.

ANARCHY IN THE CLASSROOM!!! REBELDE (Spanish for rebel!)

23. My name means "man from a dark town" and my mom's name means "the dark one"...weird huh?

Its me mum!

24.I turned 11 on September 11, 2001....creepy!

I really didn't say that I was only 11...then again it is me...I totally did!

25. I have 6 letters in my first name, 6 in my middle name and 6 in my last....more creepiness!!!

See I can't be the devil...this kid already is...position has been filled.

My mom thought I was the devil...no really

2009-02-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

So for English I have been working on this research paper involving witches, pagan peoples, their maybe faeries (not the gays) in the near future, idk its a work in progress ya know.Any how, I have some books for research, because its a research paper, my mom found these and liked freaked out! She was like "are you a, a...warlock! are you denouncing Christianity!" I was like no mom calm down, and immediately had to show her my work, notes and such. Any who I don't know why she would immediately jump to, "omg! Warlock!", before calling me. Do I look like some goth kid who has issues! I am like the Mr.Happy, hell I am the king of Happyshire, the emperor of the world of Happy! I can't imagine what went through her head...probably something like this...

and then I imagine she fainted....

I wonder if thoughts of like Voldemort 0r the Wicked Witch of the West flashed through her mind. Any who, Everything is settled now, I am not a demon child and my mom knows it. The end...or is it, BUM BUM BUM...no really it's over.-Colt

You're Awesome!!!

2009-02-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Okay so work last night totally sucked! We made like 35 bucks totally. You may be saying to your self "Self, that's an good amount of money for a 5 hours shift." And you would be totally right, if we (Ft, Griffin peeps) weren't so used to 60, 80, 90 bucks a night! So last nights bounty was a very small and sad bounty.
But on a lighter note, I hung out with my broha Jac, and he showed me hilarious guy off of Youtube named Mitchell Davis. He is HI-larious. Any who here is one of his videos because I wanna let you all know that you're awesome! (and to get well/happy graduation/your fired)

Last Dance with Mary Jane :(

2009-01-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

WTF!!!!! So in One Act they decided to cut out the word marijuana from the script. Its not even offensive or vulgar. I can understand cutting out the naughty words and stuff, I am not expecting them to let me say "rat's ass", or "adultery" but whatever! All these conservative crazies and just go fly a kite...or something! Oh how I will miss you sweet dirty words with your raw emotions and shocked expressions you give. *sigh*

Any who...for those of you who don't know, I got in a fight with my boss last week. She insulted my intelligence and I asked to discuss it with her and she got crunck! Stupid bitch! She started yelling at me for something totally unrelated and I sat there patiently listening to her....and then I yelled right back at that stupid whore! She told me I needed to grow up and I was like oh yeah? (insert feminine head bob here) "Your 54 you grow up." Then I went inside and screamed, IRANIAN C*@!" so loud that my other boss, the one I love, heard me and came to console me. Saying all of that, I had to have a meeting with them yesterday about the situation and although we pretty much agreed to disagree and settled the situation, I am still right...so there! This ordeal just brought my other boss Miss. J, and I closer together. Any ways here are a few "Final Thoughts".

Free love,
Free speech,
Never trust a Girl Scout

and
Never believe your dreams when you mind is magically linked to a dark wizard.

The End-Colt

I AM A MIGHTY LORD OF AWESOME!!!!!!!

2009-01-28T17:54:00.000-08:00

That's right, I am the Mighty Lord of Awesome, sent here to conquer all of you mwuahahaha!!!! But in all seriousness what if I was all mighty and awesome with awesomeness and magical powers, I would totally take over the world. But only in the name of all that is good, right, and to my liking! This is probably why I don't have any powers...I would abuse the hell out of them! Like when I was little I totally wanted to be a Power Ranger (this is why I was enrolled in karate). If I were a Power Ranger now...I would take over the world with my awesome color coded powers and huge ass dino-robot megazords!!!! Hells yeah! If Bin Ladin, Bush, stupid people, JP, SK, or any other intial tried to get crunk with me I would just be like "Oh yeah? ITS MORPHIN' TIME!!!!!" and I would beat their face in with my newly acquired kung fu awesomeness!!!

HELLS YEAH!!!!

KICK YA ASS OLD SCHOOL YO!!!!!!-Colt

Cookies Vs. Popcorn a battle of epic porportions!!!!

2009-01-26T06:30:00.000-08:00

At this moment in time, I am suppose to be studying Calculus, but who needs Calculus. Honestly, who the hell uses Calculus! When will it ever be appropriate for me to know the extrema, limit or...other random Cal term...of a graph! So, instead I have decided to write another post.
When I was a wee little Colt, I was a Cub Scout. A cub scout is in the lower echelons of Boy Scout-dom, a feeding pool that leads right into the belly of Boy Scouting. As with any Scout, I had to sell popcorn for various, mysterious reason unbeknown to my tiny 4th grade self. The Scouts could have been raising money for global domination, terrorist activity, stock in Microsoft, a pony! I didn't care because the more popcorn I sold, the more useless/cool prizes I got! You know the crap you can buy at Dollar General with the only difference being a Cub Scout logo slapped on it. Those were the good ol' days when I could be easily satisfied with a portably FM radio *sigh* , now my demands are much more costly. Any who...back to the point, as a Boy Scout in training, I felt that my mortal enemy was of course the Girl Scouts. This notion was made ever more prevailant during popcorn season when the Girl's cookie selling came into full swing. Every time I tried to pettle my carmal crunch goodies, I would always be shot down by "No thanks, I already bought Girl Scout cookies." WTF!!! You can't have cookies and popcorn! My guess was that that the two snack foods were at war with each other and the Girl and Boy scouts were but pawns in thier hands. I was totally cool with being a pawn for popcorn if it meant I got cool/dumb prizes. So in my head I pictured this epic battle were giant cookies collided with gargantuan tins of popcorn. Lightening and thunder rang through out the sky and fallen thin mints and popcorn littered the ground. It actually looked something like this.....

POPCORN FOREVA!!!!....although thin mints are delicious.-Colt

Villians...evil yet oh so charismatic!

2009-01-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

I started and finished The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor yesterday. It was ridiculously good! So brief synopsis before I get into one of my favorite parts. The Looking Glass Wars is the story of Alyss Heart who is the princess of Wonderland. Her family is attacked and killed on her seventh birthday by her evil aunt Redd, forcing her to flee with her bodyguard Hatter Madigan into the Pool of Tears, transporting her to our world were she tells her story to a Reverend. The Reverend gets her story all wrong pissing Alyss off royally. Any who, one of my favorite parts is when your seeing everything unfold from Redd's point of view. Even though she is evil, she is friggin' hilarious!

REDD
So what if she'd been a "bad girl"? So what if she'd experimented with artificial crystal and imagination stimulants? So what if she'd never cared for justice, love, duty to the people, blah blah blah? She was her own person. Why couldn't her parents respected that and left her alone...

and

Off with their heads! Off with their stinking, boring heads!

also

She once came upon a Six Card, a lieutenant, yelling at at some idiot Two who was cradling a cute, fuzzy guinea pig. "I tell you think black thoughts and you come up with that!?" the lieutenant had screamed. "Is a guinea pig bad? Do you consider a guinea pig the representation of all that's evil?"
"Maybe...it it's an evil guinea pig?" The lieutenant and Two Card eyed the animal, which sat in the soldier's folded arm, twitching its nose, oblivious.
"That is not an evil guinea pig!" the lieutenant had shouted. Even though she needed every able body she could get, Redd ordered the lieutenant to kill the soldier.

Okay so that was, sad....and long, but evil guinea pig! Come on I had to post that! Any ways, reading is fun, it gives you knowledge and knowledge is power!-Colt

The Truth....the "REAL" truth, like the fattening stuff.

2009-01-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

Okay so I had a random thought the other day, I wrote it down but I thought I would share it with the you, my loyal subjects/slaves (in my head I totally own you all in the Kingdom of AWESOME!). Any who, this thought was inspired my Yes Man!, (and an episode of Charmed) what if everyone was forced to tell the truth every time a question was asked. The first and honest answer just came flying out of their mouth. This, I think, would cause many problems....for example.

Mr.Terrell- How are you today Colt?

Me- *$&! - off old man!

Mr. Terrell- What did you just say?

Me- Damn it!!!

Mr. Davis- Melany whats the answer to question 46?

Melany- *$&! double block math!

Class- GASP!!!!

See what I mean, this would land many of us in quite a jam. But it would also be a great time to diabolically mess with people!...for example.

Me- SK why are you such a bitch?

SK- Because I am completely insecure, and like to make other peoples lives miserable! (gasp!)

Me- Thank you, that explains a lot!

But for reals, wouldn't that be fun!-Colt

My "Hump Train" got derailed!!!

2009-01-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

So Winter Formal this year was a complete bust. My usual bump and grind was slammed to a complete halt. I felt like I was in fricking Footloose, but instead of going wild in crazy with my fellow choreographed peers, I was stuck in a dance of old people! It was almost like they were afraid to dance for fear that God in all of His smiting glory would come down and damn them to an afterlife of hellfire and brimstone. Where in the Bible does it say, "Thou Shall Not Dance, For The Devil is in the Foot-work!" The thing that annoyed me the most though, was the staring. Usually I dont mind showing off, it's fun for me. But if only one guy and one girl are dancing and everyone else is staring, things get a little awkward. You start worrying about weither or not you look good while dancing or if they are secretly laughing at you, insecurities tend to bring down my party mood. The DJ wasn't helpful either, he hadn't heard of half of the things I requested and when asked to refrain from constantly playing stupid ass country music; he told me he had to appease everyone. WTF!!! Appease everyone, how is playing 20 country songs and 4 dance/hip hop/rock songs "appeasing" everyone!
On a lighter note, Maggie got to come to Abilene with us! Abilene is where the fun actually began. We sadly didn't fulfill the tradition of eating at IHOP seeing as it was completly full of un-formal douche bags, but we ate at Denny's instead. The food was actually better, and we laughed an obscene amount. Espeacially Jacob, for 10 minutes he had to keep his head down in order to abstain from laughing. He really couldn't look at me for more than a second or he would bust out in laughter. He got revenge though as we were leaving, I had just ordered and drink and was in a hurry to finish it when he said " Wow, you sure can suck." I lost it and my drink was spit out on to the table. Any way Winter Formal = Lame, Denny's = AWESOME!!! End of story.-Colt

UNLEASH THE VALKYRIE!!!

2009-01-17T09:09:00.000-08:00

So while watching the JV girls play yesterday, I had a tiny revelation. This epiphany of sorts came courtesy of the mighty Germanic warrior goddess...Melany. Yes, Melany the Meek, is actually a Viking Goddess of Battle, she just doesn't know it yet. But I guess their is something about basketball or any sport for that matter that brings the inner nut-crushing, head ripping, warrior she-bitch out of every woman. The whole game I kept picturing the girls disemboweling instead of dribbling, decapitating instead of dunking. It was actually quite scary. Their was one girl in particular on the opposite team that kept fouling herself on purpose by throwing her body into our players. Lying little bitch! Any way, the little Mexican firecracker, know as Lindsey, decided that if the little slut wanted to get fouled then she would be more than happy to hit the bitch. So Lindsey slid and kicked the lying whore. I was very proud. Husmann was just as aggressive as ever which I am not surprised by. One of these days I am expecting her to go ballistic on the court and massacre some hussy with swift, Husmann style justice. Their is a reason her element was Fire people. Her stare can burn you with the fury of a thousand suns.-Colt

So basically these two...

Transform into these two...

Act 1- Why some people suck; an introduction in bitch major.

2009-01-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Since high school life as I know it is slowly coming to an end, I have deemed it necessary for me to make my complaints, trials and tribulations about my life public. Not that my life is so terribly difficult, but people in it really can become quite an annoyance. For example, certain boy who I have very little Patience for, JP. Granted I only have him in one class, but in that short time he does a very efficient job of annoying the crap out of me. He is like that fly in your car that you roll all your windows down for hoping they will get the hint that you have had your fill of pointless buzzing, that maybe they will fly away to never enter the vehicle of your life again. But when you finally roll your windows up thinking the pest has gonna, its not. Its back with vengeance with more buzzing than before. One of these days I am gonna take a fly swatter to his head and beat him until he has stopped moving...or they call the cops, whatever comes first. And if JP wasn't annoying enough, couple that with the sounds of AP Calculus, has taught by the amazingly anesthetic of Mr. Davis, and you have my first class of the day ( aka Doodle Time). I really just don't understand Mr.D's teaching style, how the hell am I suppose to understand what the hell is going on if all you do is read from the fricking book! If I wanted Calculus the Audio Book, I'd have bought the damn thing. On another note I am now very, very late for newspaper so I am gonna have to complain about stupid people later, or maybe the next post will be about kittens and rainbows because I terminated JP with my Schwarzenegger-sized fly swatter...maybe.-Colt